Snail Anxiety – Unisex Sweatshirt

Description

Listen, you’re not flaking — you’re just snail-sitting. This retro-inspired unisex sweatshirt is perfect for the cozy homebody with a soft spot for slow friends and even slower social batteries. Featuring vintage flair and Grade A weirdness, it’s a whole personality in sweatshirt form.

Ideal for dodging parties, exiting awkward conversations, or giving people a reason to stop inviting you places (bless). Because sometimes, you do have plans — and those plans involve snails and not wearing pants.

⭐ Product Features:

• • 🔄 Seamless Swagger
    Knit in one piece using tubular magic—no side seams, no weird puckering. Just clean lines and good vibes.
  • 🧶 Ribbed Collar That Knows Its Job
    Highly elastic and holds its shape like a champ, even after one too many “just five more minutes” snoozes.
  • 🧵 Double-Needle Stitching = Double the Sass Support
    Reinforced in all the right places—shoulders, cuffs, neck, waistband. Tough love, sweatshirt-style.
  • 🛋️ Medium-Heavy Fabric = Ultimate Couch Companion
    A cozy 50/50 blend of cotton and polyester (8.0 oz/yd²) that feels like a warm hug from someone who doesn’t talk too much.
  • 🏷️ Tear-Away Tag = No More Neck Itch Tantrums
    Soft, pearlized, and ready to be ripped out of your life—like that one toxic ex.
  • 🌿 Sustainability with Style
    Made with 100% ethically grown US cotton and OEKO-TEX-certified dyes. Good for your closet and your conscience.

🧼 Care Instructions (Because You’ve Got Better Things to Do):

• • 🧊 Machine wash cold (like your iced coffee)
  • 🚫 Non-chlorine bleach when necessary (but go easy, champ)
  • 🔥 Tumble dry low (no high-heat drama)
  • ❌ Do not iron (we don’t do wrinkle stress here)
  • ❌ No dry cleaning (you’re not that high-maintenance)